I wouldn't be honest with you if I said there haven't been times in the past couple of years where I couldn't wait for Zach's senior year to be over. Not because of Zach. Not because I want my kids to grow up and move out... There's a time and a place for the "Why, then?" But this isn't that time.
I started out the year ready for this year to be over. And The Dad had to tell me several times that he understood, but that I had to embrace Zach's senior year. And so I did. I went to every football game, I went to every SYSA basketball game (well, all but one), I made it to Mr. Saxon. I made it to the "picture" sessions for Homecoming and for Prom. I was the same mom all year that I was when the other two were seniors, once upon a time. I pestered for details, forms to sign, questioned scores - all because I believe in order for their dreams to come true, means that there's still someone there to push a little... to the near-very-end, just so that when those final transcripts go out - the school they are destined for, still wants them! WSU and EWU aren't quite the sticklers I hear UW is - and as that is where Wack is headed, well, we (I) am just trying to do my job.
God gave me these boys, the experiences they've had - good and bad for a reason. I also believe he gave me these boys because he knew I couldn't handle daughters or one like me.
As I go through May, we have yet one more parent meeting before the senior all nighter. We have decorations to buy for the graduation party and final touches to the plans, graduation announcements to mail, housing application to fill out, a trip to Greek Preview in a few weeks where Zach is going to spend some time with the UW Fiji's (big brother Blue Eyes is the King of the WSU Fiji's), two AP tests to get the child out of the house for early in the mornings, Mothers Day and a trip to "Avengers" with Wack, #7, Blue Eyes & The Dad, Memorial Day weekend and there you have it.
I swear to you I did not WISH away this little boys senior year. I tried. I wanted to. And at times I said I was ready for it, but I wasn't wishing for it. Anymore.
So today happened. And it's hitting me harder than even The Dad knows as I sit here and type this. He can't see the tears in my eyes as I type this. He hasn't noticed that during "The Voice" I've been unusually quiet instead of drooling over Adam. I asked him if knew what my post would be about and he guessed about 14 things - none of them came close. Not. Anyhwere. Near. Close.
Today - Zach played his last double tennis match, at Districts, for Joel. E. Ferris. High. School. He wore his last Ferris sports uniform. Brought home his last Saxon sports schedule. No more sweatshirts, no more practice schedules. No more tryouts. No more Scarlet & Silver. Not for him.
Not for us.
This journey, this long, often fun, sometimes heartbreaking, memory making time is over. There were all of these lasts along the way this year - but sports was a mainstay in our time with our boys at F.H.S. And this was it.
I am so excited to have this baby boy of mine move on to bigger and better things and I know that the University of Washington is going to be just that. But as I've done along the way, I find myself regretting any time that I spent wishing for something different. That I had done something different when they were little. Not that some of my "wishing" wasn't justified - as a parent, nothing is worse than watching your kids hurt, or be hurt and from this is where I couldn't wait to "get out" of Ferris. On the other hand, my son(s) have all learned about failures, successes, the rewards of hard work, good study habits and earning their place. They will have the tools to succeed in LIFE as they go forward because of some of their hurtful experiences and while I sometimes believe it pained me more than them - I can rest easy knowing that they will get out of life what they put into it. And they already are.
All this said - there is some difficulty saying "goodbye" to all of these "yesterdays".