In a galaxy far far away...
Or a year and a half ago:
WOTY: <answers phone> "Hey, what's up?"
The Dad: "Well, I guess #7 is going to Mexico with you because the guy at the records place in Sacramento told me it will be 10-12 weeks before he can send me my birth certificate."
WOTY: "Well, that's a problem, seeing as we're leaving in 5 weeks."
The Dad: (who never panics, ever... IS at this point.) "Yah, I know it's a problem. (*&^%$&^%$&. I guess #7 can just go with you."
WOTY: (Who is usually always the panicker) "Well now, that's not going to happen. What did they say?"
The Dad: "That since this is older than 20 years ago, they get sent to some department and they can't get them here any sooner." <more swearing>
WOTY: "Well you call back and you explain -"
The Dad: "I did. The guy was a real asshole."
WOTY: "Fine, give me the number."
The Dad gives me the number and I call and like magic, get the same turd that The Dad got. He didn't care that our airfare was purchased months earlier or that it was unfortunate that his adoptive parents hadn't kept a legal version of his birth certificate and that they'd both passed away and... So I then asked "ROGER" what his name was and who his supervisor was and as soon as I did that - he offered up another phone number that *might* be able to help us out.
The next day, The Dad tried and got some jackass who hates his job of dealing with the public, but loves the holidays the State takes, the pay the State gives and the benefits the State provides. Another call from The Dad still in panic mode.
I tell him to call back until he gets a different person. That it's all about the person you get on the phone - and whether or not that person got laid in the morning.
"Wendy" must have, because she not only told The Dad that she could get a copy in a matter of days, but if he would send down a copy of his license and his receipt (he'd paid for it online), she would overnight it to him. And she did. And his passport arrived 10 days after that.
For a time - we joked that it would seem The Dad wasn't a real person. That he had not, in fact, ever been born. Ironic, because our President seems to have critics exclaiming the same kinds of things about him. People like "Roger". And that IS his real name. Just trying to draw attention to it.
A few weeks later - The Dad had done his homework about cell phones, service, etc - and out of country trips. A "What to Expect When Expecting... NOT to Use Your Phone While Out of the Country" kind of thing. So we paid the extra money and used our phones very sparingly so that we could have them with us in the event of emergency. Most times Wack left his in the room in the safe, but at night we wanted them to carry them.
We returned to normal life and found a few months later that Verizon hadn't turned off the "out of the country" option and our bill was astronomical! Like, we could eat for 7 months on what our bill was. It took a marathon phone call - but everything was credited and a day was made better. Until about 6 months later, when upon picking through our bill - Jeff found they were still dinging us for some aspect of the national plan thingy majig. But because we were only calling at this point in time, they would only credit the past 3 months.
We have gotten better about bill "inspection".
Fast forward to May 28th, 2012. I couldn't sleep that night and so I picked up my iPhone that is not Siri-licious and checked my emails. I saw that our bill from Verizon had come across and because of what I saw - I didn't sleep a wink for the rest of the night. (I woke up at 4:30A). $1,175. Uhhhh... what... the... fuuuuu.....
So The Dad called Verizon:
The Dad: "Uh... yah, I'm looking at my bill and I'm seeing that I no longer have unlimited texting and I absolutely need that, what with 5 phones and 3 of them belonging to college kids. And it appears you still have us on the international plan... and this number (xxx-xxxx) didn't GO to Mexico so shouldn't be charged for that anyhow."
Verizon: "We can certainly look into it, but you switched back too early, prior to the fees catching up to us, so those fees you will still be accountable for."
The Dad: "I switched back too early? I called, told you guys we would be in Mexico and set it for 9 days. These fees continue to be billed AND when you switched me back, you turned off the unlimited texting. I wouldnt DO that."
Verizon: "Well, let me see...." click click, type type, unintelligible, type click click type... "Yah, ummmm Mister Mennerely, it looks like you just switched back too soon and therefore the fees will have to be paid."
WOTY: <getting my bitch on> "Oh no we won't. This is not our error, it's..."
The Dad: <giving me the "shut the hell up, I'll handle this" look>
The Dad: "Is there a supervisor or manager that I could talk to about this. I think you're getting caught up on the international stuff and I've got more concerns than just that."
Verizon: "Sure. Uh... the managers are all busy right now, but I could have one call you back within the next 2 hours."
The Dad: "That'd be great."
FOUR DAYS LATER:
WOTY: "Uhhh, what did you ever find out from Verizon?"
The Dad: "I'll call"
ONE MORE DAY LATER:
WOTY: "Uhhh, what did you ever find out from Verizon?"
The Dad: <wah wah wah wah wah... wah wah wah wah...> (Pretending he's the teacher from Charlie Brown from inside the bathroom)
WOTY: <begins making payment from cell phone for the "usual" amount>
The Dad: <exits the loo and grabs his phone>
WOTY: <exits stage left and GLADLY goes to pair up 324 socks that she's neglected because socks are the worst part of laundry folding>
Well - as it went, Shyloh helped Jeff and credited the appropriate amount to our account. She even said she would call back on Monday to make sure we were "seeing" that on our end. She explained that the representative he talked to when The Dad set up the international plan - SHOULD HAVE explained that in order for things just like this not to happen, means we should keep the plan for an entire month, NOT for just the 9 days we are gone... due to the fact that the charges don't catch up for some time. Grrrrrr...
Anyhow - the moral of the story is - if you have a job where you have to deal with people - EVER... you should have sex every morning so that you don't have to be like "Roger" or the diphead that said she'd have someone call within the next two hours after we got a messed up bill.
Just sayin.
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