Kate and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

The not-so-great news is starting to settle in.  As of last night.  On top of that, I ran out of black cohosh and I just don't have time to go an get more right now.  I get off of work, come  home, make dinner, go for a run, come home, shower, eat a little and pretty much want to lay on the bed and be vegetative from there on.  

I didn't sleep well  - thanks to no black cohosh and violent fits of hot flashes... the last one at 3:04 am.  The Dad was snoring pretty well so 3:04 a.m. turned to 3:24 a.m.  Then 3:38 a.m.  3:53 a.m.  4:12 a.m.  4:21 a.m.  4:37 a.m. I think I fell back asleep around 5:02 a.m. So my usual morning workout turned into yet another evening run.

So the frustration led to some bickering last night and again this morning.  It's understandable and expected...  but we haven't been "here" in a very long time and it's just disheartening.  Tough.  Ahhh yes... character building times.  

I went to get my latte on the way to work, blood still a little hot from the less than desirable "banter" prior to leaving the house, only to be handed a cup that felt half full with coffee, half filled with foam/whip.  I didn't pull out immediately, it was apparent that the gal that handed me my drink knew that my cup was half full orrrr is that... half empty?  That's what it was feeling like, looking like this morning.  If I weren't feeling so deflated I would have given a bit of a discouraged look, pulled off the lid and said "Really?" though with a bit of a wry smile.  Not today though.  Today I didn't say anything. I did a double take of the half full/half empty cup in my hand and drove off to work.

I broke two nails today.

Made little headway on some things I could be more efficient at if given the opportunity, messaged with The Dad about things that need to be handled in a timely fashion.  And so it was.  Or... so it is.

Came home and made Blue Eyes and Wack some chicken pad thai, filled up Dan the Dog's swimming pool, picked up the dog "treats" in the back and changed for my afternoon run.  The Dad hopped on board the evening run train and we were able to communicate about the stressful stuff - too exhausted from living the day to give it another worried thought.  

It wasn't our best day in a very long time.  It reminded me of the days long past where these kinds of arguments defined us... times I regret so much because of my amazing little boys ages, ears and hearts in that time.  While they are older and not here, or all too soon, not here at all this year - and a "fight" like this can't "touch" them - I still wouldn't wish it on anyone - and for all we've survived, especially us.  

Tonight though - is finishing strong....er... stronger.  He's done some work.  I've helped a friend.  I've planned "Yucca-Fest 2012".  There was a Darius Rucker commercial - therefore a reminder of the fun I get to have on Saturday night.  The boys picked up camping gear from Mema & Papa's and are looking forward to their adventure, "Moneyball" is on and Brad Pitt is not ugly.  

The only way this could  be better is if the Black Cohosh fairy would show up with some black cohosh.  On ice.  I have a feeling I'm going to need it.

The Itsy Bitsy Fider.... & The REST of the Weekend!

I couldn't MAKE myself write a post this weekend... and while I let myself feel guilty about that - It's not like I've taken a week or month long hiatus from this little goal, nor am I getting paid to write this.  So... I'm going to try and take it easy on myself for this.  

We (The Dad and I) did nothing on Friday night.  As Fridays usually go, it's pretty safe to say that I'm not good company on a Friday night.  Not even if I get a drink in me.  So - homebound we were.

Saturday presented us with an INFORMAL gathering that night out in the valley.  I went the 3.5 mile loop run that The Dad and I have been doing in the evenings and he went to the club.  On my way back The Dad drove by and informed me that I should stop at our friends (along the route) as he was going to stop in and chat with The Man at this house.  It was a short visit, we got our Starbucks! and headed home.  Idle chit chat on the deck turned into me mowing and him making breakfast and trimming trees.  All the while we were receiving an abundance of texts from a friend about the informal gathering.  Before we knew it and AFTER I had ruined the Phelps/Lochte race for The Dad (thanks to Twitter) it was time to make the food for the par-tay.  As quick as they were in the oven, we were off.  Fun times, interesting conversation, got to know another guest better (we love her) and home again, home again, jiggity jig.  (My mother will love that.)

Sunday morning I woke up with a bite on my neck.  The party was indoors and I didn't notice it when we got home, or on the way home or... anything.  So I got up and looked in the mirror and I didn't have ONE bite, but rather, TWO.  On the front/side of my neck, looking very much like Dracula bit me.  They are not super itchy, but rather, hard, sometimes itchy and very much fider bites.  Yes... Fider.  When #7 was my little #7... learning to talk with his raspy voice... Spiders, were, and shall forever remain... fiders.  At least to The Dad and I.  Just one of those things.

I don't care about the location of the fider bites... I care that I have them at all.  And that the likely place I received them was IN. MY. BED.  Seriously...  Do I walk up to a spider web and spray them with a small dose of poison while they sleep?  No. 

So the bed was stripped and I made The Dad bang on the headboard, look under the bed, move the night stand to try and raise the little creepy crawler from his hiding spot.  To no avail.  

So.  Effing.  Gross.  Imagine  if this had been last week when I blew my blood vessels all to hell after sneezing and couldn't breathe through my nose at night! I can tell you these are not little friendly black spider bites/love pats.  These are ginormous.  It surely was one of those beady eyed little brown-ish, stripey legged effers.  I just know it.  Two bites?  What did I do to it?  I shudder...  creepy.  gross.  icky.  yucky. venomous little creep.

Of course once one of us moves on Sunday morning - The Dogs know it's Dog Park day and the noises they make are horrific.  Half the time we practically leave the house without pants on or contacts in because we fear the people on the top of the mountain are going to assume we are killing something.  We got home, sat on the deck... again and talked about how the heat this summer is just not making our lawn look very nice.  At this time I spoke and said - we should try our front sprinkler system and see whats what with it.  

Many years earlier we got a quote for a sprinkler system in the back yard - and the guy that gave it to us included re-doing the entire front yard.  For some reason, at that time, we turned the system off... and have used stupid sprinklers to water our yard.  While I washed sheets, did oodles of laundry, cleaned all of the bathrooms (as we're having guests this weekend) and did some tidying - The Dad fixed an entire line of sprinkler heads and pipes yesterday.  Today he will resume to the next line where we know at least one pipe is split and two heads need replacing.  After that... we may be nearly full functioning in the front yard again.

We scratched our heads on how we let it go so long. And uhhh... why?  It was a pleasant surprise and was actually decent news coming off of a not so great week last week.  

I am, however, happy that I'm not strong enough to do the digging and tightening, and rolling around in the mud that he's doing.  

Friday, Part 37

So I don't love Fridays - that much is known.  But while the day went about it's usual self - there were a few bright spots.

1) I woke up with a smile on my face due to the Cabo Crew fiesta last night.  It started at 6:30 and ended for us... at 11:30.  On a work night, I'm usually in bed by 9:30 - so it was a little hard to get up and moving around today.  But this week, The Dad and I earned the fun of the Cabo Crew!  Good food, friends, spirits and gaming!  

B) While getting ready for work, and texting my "roommate" at work to let her know I'd be in a bit late (to which she responded she had JUST gotten out of the shower) I saw on my Twitter feed that Darius Rucker is joining forces with the rest of the Blowfish and making a new "Hootie" album.  I've been to several Hootie & The Blowfish concerts and have seen Darius Rucker twice as Darius Rucker the country artist - and am seeing him next Saturday - much thanks and appreciation to Northern Quest Casino for tickets on them!  Can... not... wait!

Next to last) We're sitting here now watching the opening ceremonies of the 2012 Summer Olympics.  And there's been some fun, amazing stuff.  A 43 million dollar "production".  Problem is - it's 9:52pm and the are only at "Ecuador" entering the stadium.  Fairly certain I'm not making it to the end of this "show" tonight.

The Dad is disappointed that there is no baseball in the olympics.  I, personally, am okay with it... besides - why watch Olympic baseball when there's Olympic Race Walking on?  I wonder if that's as exciting to watch as it sounds?  Hmmmm....

and Four) I was able to connect with all of my boys today.  Blue Eyes and Bruiser watched some of the ceremonies with us, Wack sat and chatted with us as we nommed on some Friday Night Pizza tonight and #7 has sent me a few unsolicited texts (asking questions, mostly) but allowed me some additional bright spots to a day that has become, as it were, the shits.  

Oh... and the straw broke the camels back today as far as Fridays go, so I'll be working towards effecting "change" in that arena.

A Visit to the Vet

Last December - Boone got a bit of a limp about him.  After a visit to the vet, x-rays that showed nothing, some anti-inflammatory meds and pain meds we were referred to the Pet Emergency Clinic - or at least the Imaging part of that clinic for a series of steroid tests to help what they determined was a bit of tendinitis.  The first visit was a small fortune as they had to do put him out so they could get an ultrasound done on his shoulder to find the exact spot for the injection.

What a nice surprise the second injection appointment was when it was only $68.

So it's been all well and good since then - but at the time of the second injection - we were told that this could be a yearly thing.

And so it happened last week that Boone was running in and out of Dan the Dog's kiddy pool.  He slipped going in one time and aggravated his shoulder.  We called to the Spokane Pet Emergency Clinic to get him scheduled for another injection.  They said they thought we should see our vet first, so I made an appointment for today with Michor Gentemann.  We love him.  He is amazing with the animals.  Amazing.

Boone walked right in and sat on the scale and then waited patiently for our room.  In we went and waited - Boone, sitting next to me on the "people" chairs.  Michor came in and we talked about what happened, how, when and told him we'd already scheduled the injection appointment for this afternoon, assuming that this is what they were going to advise us to do.  He concurred and said he'd call down to them to let them know he thought this was the route to go.

I was charged $32 for Boone's visit to the vet.  I was absolutely thrilled.  So it was a bit like Christmas knowing that I was going to get out of this medical situation for $100.  (If you've ever taken your pet to the vet, you know it's not usually less than $137.49.)  

As I left the vet to bring Boone home until his 1pm appointment out at the Spokane Pet Emergency Imaging Clinic, my cell phone rang and it was the clinic telling me they'd just heard from Dr. Gentemann and that they were not busy so I could bring Boone in then if that would work.  And so I did.  We walked in, it was quiet and they were waiting for him.  It's the kind of appointment where we drop him off because they have to sedate him a bit to do the injection.  Back to work I went, letting The Dad know he gets pick up duty.

A bit later on my phone buzzes and The Dad asks me "Were you expecting $322?"

Needless to say I FLIPPED out.  Uhhh.... Noooooo... wtf?  So he relayed this to them, though he knew because when I got back to work I let him know how overjoyed I was about the expected costs of the day.  He asked them if they had let me know what to expect, that they were not only doing the injection, but also more ultrasound work and they replied that no, they hadn't - but that it needed to be done.  So he tells them that, like dropping your car off at a shop - they don't do any work until it's been approved.  We knew we were coming for a $68 dollar injection, nothing more.  The poor girl at the front desk kept going back to talk to the doctors/technicians and she kept coming out with their answers to his inquiries.... instead of just coming out and answering the questions themselves.  The Dad said he wasn't paying the full amount, at least not today - and they agreed to that, telling him he had a balance to fulfill.

So - like I did after my 20 year reunion, that we held at The old Ridpath Hotel - as the most recent bank of owners let it fall apart and turned off the air conditioning prior to our event, I put the information together, wrote a stellar argumentative letter stating why we had cancelled our payment and would pay for the food costs only, netting us "back" nearly $2300 - so too, will I pen a letter and send it off certified mail.  I will include copies of the first appointment there (over $100 less than the $322 this time) and the second injection, only $68.  I will CC: Lincoln Heights Veterinary Clinic.  I will instruct the clinic on Mission that we will accept credit for Boone's next injection from the $168 we paid today.  

I'm outraged that due to them having no other patients today - that they took the liberty to just spend my money.  Which, actually, The Dad said to them.  If they want to fight it, we'll gladly let an attorney request the two ultrasounds he's had to verify that they did, in fact, NEED to do it.  If Dr. Gentemann had said "It's likely they'll need to do an ultrasound again to make sure..." then that would change this.  But he didn't... and they didn't tell us they "needed" to when I was checking him in.

So here's a "do" and a "don't".

If you're looking for a Veterinary Clinic - DO take your pet to Lincoln Heights Veterinary Clinic on 27th Avenue.

If you're needing or referred to take your furry loved one to the imaging center or Spokane Pet Emergency Clinic - DON'T forget to ask them up front what their charges will be and DO let them know that prior to doing anything at all ABOVE the amount they quote you, they better damn well not forget to call you.

Aaaaahhhhh Chooo!!!!

I was going to write about "The Batman" movie - which was really... really... really... REALLY good and one really doesn't realize that they've sat there for nearly 3 hours when it ends.  I was conflicted toward the end, even though I'd told The Dad out loud what had to happen... but allowed myself to believe what was going on.  But I was right - which made Christopher Nolan a genius because even though I was right, I allowed myself to *believe*, only to be semi-duped.  Brilliant.

And yes - The Dad found himself checking for exits and paths out.  Which is probably normal, given the timing (we went Sunday) in relation to The Batman massacre in Aurora.

But as it is - we received some less than desirable news yesterday - of which I am not at liberty to discuss just yet - but I will, you know I will... when I can.  So we went for a run last night.  We jogged out Ben Burr to "the telephone pole" and back.  It's a 3 mile stint and The Dad ran it with relative ease and easily a block ahead of me at all times.  As we got to our hill at 57th - he pushed me to run to the sign, recover and then run to the top of our block.  If he can do it, I will do it.  He did it faster, but I did it.  And it was good partnership activity and "team building" which is going to come into play in the coming days, weeks, months. 

When we got home we picked up the yard a little, started the water, came in and chatted with Wack.  Then I sneezed.  Once.  Then twice.  Then a third time and then a fourth.  The 3rd and 4th sneeze shook our block.  And they hurt.  Immediately I felt like something was lodged in my sinus.  I tried blowing, and blowing... and blowing some more.  I tried sucking it all in to get in into my throat so I could spit it out.  I tried pouring water through  my nose and then I got drastic in the shower and inhaled water (which totally sucks and hurts and crikey, it was bad.) to see if that would work.  To no avail.

My nose is working overtime at draining on the one side and while I feel congested, I can breathe - but "something" is moving around in there.  I gave in and called the doc because it's wreaking all sorts of mental hell in my head with this movement if I breathe through my nose.  I can even move it if I massage around the bridge of my nose down to the side of my eye, nostril... up and down.  I thought at first maybe I blew a hole through my sinus, now I think it could be bone or something.  So that's cool.  Not.

Doctors office can't get me in until Friday.  I know what sort of unreasonable, crabby, bitchy bitch I'm going to be with this going on, feeling like I've had my head slammed between two 200 pound bricks - so I'll likely have to give in and go to the minor emergency.  I just don't have time for this crap.  If you've been to the minor emergency, you know you need extra time, patience and alcohol - to survive the outing. 

Who knew that sneezing could be such a pain in the ass?  I do... now.  

What's Your Family Discussion? - "The Batman Massacre"

With the headache and "the bad Friday feeling" yesterday - I still found time in the morning and day to look at the updates of the tragedy that unfolded in an Aurora, CO theater early Friday morning.  I brought it up with a few people - and the basics were covered in conversation:

"He was brilliant smart."

"Who takes their 4 year old and 3 month old to a midnight screening?"

"If you're a parent, do you let your kids go to midnight showings anymore?"

"What set him off?"

"Did you hear his apartment is booby trapped?

Somewhere I read that usually, someone like this - like James Holmes, who so recklessly, thoughtlessly, sickly, intentionally went in and took innocent peoples lives - are looking to die.  The whole "suicide by cop" scenario.  That, or as the police are closing in, they kill themselves. But he didn't.  Instead - it sounds like he was calmly disarming himself by his car.  He went without incident.  And then at some point he told the police that there are explosives in his apartment.  

There's an article that says on July 5 he posted on an adult single site - a photo of him with dyed red hair and his message at the top of the profile read: "Will you visit me in prison?" Yikes.

We should assume that with his booby trapping his apartment - he knew he was going to get caught.  Or die.  He set that up knowing HE was not going back to his apartment and that others - police? family? friends? would go to his apartment to try to learn "Why?".  To find "clues" that set him off.  But he tells the police there are explosives.  Why?  Something doesn't add up.  

15 days prior he asks - "Will you visit me in prison?"  15 days later - he sets his "plan" in motion.  And he will go to prison and maybe die by execution.  For what?   

So he has the world talking about him.  What he's done.  Why did he do it?  He was so smart.  He was nice.  One speeding ticket.  No Twitter, MySpace, Bookface, LinkedIn... Nothing to outwardly look back and say "Oh, his posts did get kind of different the last 2 months."  

So this morning after coffee and running to take care of a co-workers dogs, The Dad and I started discussing it.  We talked about the couple who took their small child and 3 month old baby. The Dad says he thought he read somewhere that the suspect started walking up the stairs and "Wouldn't you think someone, at that point would try to attack him from behind?" Which brought me to the story of the girl sitting there - who said she had the gun pointed at her "deer in the headlights" and she dove under the seats and started crawling.  She checked a mans' pulse as she was nearing the exit/hallway - but thought the gunman had returned so left the man behind.  She is alive.

So we talked heroics.  Was there an opportunity for heroics on Friday morning at 12:30am?  I don't think so - due to his extremely sophisticated armor and weaponry.  And when I say heroics - I mean taking him out, taking him down, disarming him or impaling him.  There were heroes - for sure.  The young lady above who told others to "Play dead.  He won't shoot you if he thinks you're already dead."  And as just mentioned, the man who shielded his girlfriend.  I'm sure there are more - we just haven't heard their stories yet.

But I told The Dad - in previous versions of Jennifer Seeger's story - that they didn't make her sound very heroic.  That she checked the pulse, wanted to get to a young looking girl, but had to flee. To save herself.  Leaving the young girl behind.  Leaving the man behind.

Therein lies our conversation with our boys.  We had two boys at the midnight showing here in The Can.  And interestingly - there was an incident at the AMC Theaters that night prior to the showing.  There was smoke in the building, they cleared people out - there was misdirection, confusion, they told people to clear out of the parking garage... people lost their places in line, parking spots, had to pay twice for parking, couldn't get refunds when they saw they'd get a bad seat due to following the instructions of the theater staff to evacuate... and I never heard ANY of this from my sons.  We heard it from friends whose kids were there, and on the NEWS.  Uhhhh boys???  Hellooooo?  So it was just the air conditioning unit that overheated - but with Colorado being an hour ahead of us... I mean... who knows?  Scary deal.  And to top it off - a bunch of 20 year old's  "running" the theater that night.  My guess is - a lot of changes are coming to the whole midnight premier "event".  A manager of some sort on the premises, no costumes, perhaps no more midnight premieres.

The Dad says: "I'll tell my kids - you get out.  You save yourself."  As a parent I get that.  My boys are my life.  I've heard more times than I can count that you're not supposed to put your kids first.  You put your spouse first and then your kids.  That a healthy marriage follows that rule.  I had #7 before The Dad and I got married.  I was young and had no business having a baby at that time - but having him gave my life a purpose it didn't have before.  My life has been about my kids first and foremost and The Dad and I suffered along the way, no question.  We did it wrong.  Or did we?  I don't think so, anymore.  We keep "making it".  We didn't follow the "rules", but here we are.

So we can tell our boys, give them this "rule" if you will: "Get out.  Stay alive. Do whatever you have to do to be safe." But there will always be something that doesn't make that such and easy thing to do.  Their friend.  Their girlfriend/spouse.  Their child.  OR... how about fellow mankind.  Blue Eyes was at the movie with his girlfriend. Zach Attack with his soon to be fellow Fiji brothers.  I say you can't know what goes through someones mind when something like this happens.  Will my boys get angry and try to solve "the problem" like Jeremy Glick and his fellow passengers aboard United Airlines Flight 93?  Will they use their amazing problem solving skills and any training they may have and, like Seeger, shout to others "Play dead!"  Will they push someone out of the way of danger, or pick up a stranger laying there as they clear the scene?  

Whatever they do with "Get out.  Stay alive.  Do whatever you have do to do be safe." I know - will be the right thing.  We can say what we believe we'd do given the circumstances - but we really don't know what that is until something like this, is happening.  Correction - most people really don't know.  Those who are never wrong (and some out there really believe this of themselves) do know.  But that can be their little secret.

Holmes is supposedly wicked smart and he appears to have snapped.  Changed.  Was he perhaps always "different" or did drugs or maybe an addiction to pain killers from an old soccer injury "change him"?  We may never know.  But he's not the last crazy, sick person in the world.  We don't know if his upbringing "did" this to him... expectations from elitist parents?  We don't know if the video game "Guitar Hero" "did" this to him.  We don't know if drugs "did" this to him.  

We all may know someone who has changed - and not for the better.  We may all just shrug it off and deal with their "new" idiosyncrasies.  With laws in place that allow people to buy guns every month, doctors who prescribe narcotics year after year to people who no longer "qualify" for them, people who are more concerned with status and looks, compliments and standing in the community than their kids, etc etc - but mostly our unfailing ability to turn the cheek, "not my problem" attitude that affects so... TOO many. It's not "if" this happens again, it's "when".

When the mothers first response is "They've got the right person." does this make her an accessory?  Did she know her son was ill and did nothing to "protect" him from his demons?  Was her life more important than the 72 injured or killed on July 20, 2012.  I'm having a hard time feeling sorry for her given what I've read.  If you're going to have kids - you have a responsibility to uphold.  Nurture, love, help, teaching, learning, watching for signs, not ignoring them when the feeling hits you something *might* be off, following your instinct and making sacrifices to our lives if it will help them.  Period.  Don't have kids if you can't follow through with all of it.  

I'm sorry for the lives forever changed by this senseless act.  This year has been a year, personally, marked by sadness for my family and I know how the families feel.  I spent time being angry at the young man that killed my niece.  The young man who had 32 prior arrests for drinking, drugs, wreckless driving - yet was drunk, behind the wheel and driving wrecklessly the night he drove head on into my innocent, unsuspecting, 20 year old niece.  He died, he's out of the picture - but the judges that kept letting him go?  Why do they get off the hook?  And the family that kept letting him go about his wreckless behavior?  They lost their son, but they should be held accountable as well.  Why?  He was 24 - but his problems started when he was 16.  While "The Batman" suspect has no priors, no OBVIOUS signs or widely noted oddities - his mother knew they had the right person before hearing all of the details.  So someone knew.  A parent knew.  And until we hear different, it appears she did nothing to help her child.  So that also makes me feel sorry for a brilliant mind, now lost. 

"Get out.  Stay alive.  Do whatever you have to do to be safe."  In addition to "Be smart.  Make good choices.  Call us if you need help.  How are things?  Let us know when you get there.  How much do you need?"  And so on...  

"The Batman" suspect has given us all an open forum.  Be it about gun laws, movie premiere guidelines, mental illness, life saving strategies, how to cope with death, post traumatic stress...  and communication.  Help.  Love.  Taking care of our own.  

What is your forum?  Who is your audience?  What can you change?  Who can we help?  How can we help?

 

7/20/1992 - 7/20/2012

I woke up today with a headache.  Remember... Fridays are not my favorite day to attack.

The Dad left early for a meeting and the dogs kept me company.  Prior to Wack leaving for work he made us aware of the sad, tragic, unimaginable shooting in a Colorado movie theater.  I hopped on Twitter a little and read some of the information and felt sad. 

I'm sad that the young man was that sick and didn't know it.  Or if he did, that he didn't seek out help.  But this doesn't just apply to people with guns, who have been in the army or drink too much.  So many variables that bring about mental illness and behavior, personality changes.  And sometimes because of them - this stuff happens.  Awful.  Horrible.  Senseless.

I'm sad that people died at a movie theater, doing something they had highly looked forward to.  You just don't go to a midnight premiere for ANY movie.  

I'm sad that their families have to go through such pain, anguish and confusion as to what's happened?  Why?  And though the perpetrator is still alive - we may never well understand why he did this.

I realized - as I sat at work with my headache, coffee not helping and thoughts reeling through  my head - and feeling sadder and sadder as the day went on - that today is also the anniversary of my Uncle Doug's death.  A 47 year old man, out on the lake, in a boat, towing his son behind it when another boater - driving with a dog on his bow - ran into my uncles boat.

Sad day.  Sad day indeed.

 

 

Winning with Northern Quest is Twitterific!

Today I had a Twitter - "Tweet-down" with a friend.  It all started thanks to my response to a tweet by Northern Quest Casino announcing that they had posted photos of their recent winners on their BookFace page.  I've tweeted them a few times before today asking them to enter me into their drawings - seeing as I'm not on The Bookface.  They always do!  Not that I've won anything... but they at least put  me in the running, so what better customer service can you ask for?  They could tell me "Too bad, so sad, you've got to be on The Bookface if you want to be included in our drawings."  But that's not their m.o.  

So they tweeted that they'd posted photos to which I responded: "I wonder what it's like to win an @NorthernQuest drawing... <sigh>"

THAT... got me a retweet and a response.  If you're not on Twitter, you don't care about that.  If you are an avid tweeter, it's a form of flattery. 

"Wow @katekennedy6 - that was a sigh worth retweeting! (: What #NQRConcerts are you wishing you were going to?" and a second response from NQ to a friend who tweeted that he wins at NQ all of the time:  "We had to retweet that (my handle) (friend handle) just to watch some good ol' fashioned Twitter throwdown."  And it was on...

A few slams, some fun banter and probably way more retweets than anyone following @NorthernQuest, myself and my friends' followers care to sift through!

I had responded to @NorthernQuest question about which concert I was wishing to attend with ~ "Oh my... @dariusrucker baby!!! Will #NQRConcerts be holding a  non Bookface drawing for this excellent show? #tellmeitsso"

Moments later - I was contacted through direct message asking me: "Hey Kathy - how would you like a pair of Darius Rucker tix, on the house?"

Ummmm... my first thought was "It's not April 1st is it?"  My second thought was "Yes.  Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes... yeeeeesssssssss!"  Though I responded a little more "casually".  (Though did add the april fools bit).  I was then prompted to make sure I could make the date/time.  Uhhhh... Okay @NorthernQuest... You better not be stringing me along! :)

And so it is - Tweeting = Winning.  The Twitter throwdown/tweetdown allowed me some fun banter with a friend we don't get to see often enough, proved once again that there are organizations out there that go above and beyond with customer service and loyalty and I get a night with my main squeeze (The Dad) on a hot summer night at the best summer concert venue we've got! (And Darius Rucker ain't no sloppy seconds either!)

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! @NorthernQuest... as it was put in our Twitterfest - #questrules

 

Overextended. Again...

When I was looking to leave the school district position I held for many moons - I wanted to do so for a myriad of reasons - but mostly - I knew that with 3 kids in college, what business do I have working a job that has summers off, 2 weeks at Christmas and a week for spring break?  That... and with boys working, driving, never around - I don't need to be home during the summer months. They don't need me to carpool them anywhere or make their lunches (though they would like that).  It's not like I was out playing in the ladies tennis or golf groups the summers I was home.  The first few I was carpooling and going to all sorts of basketball tournaments and 7-on-7 football competitions.  But for the last two or three... nada.  It's also not like I have unlimited income to go out out shop all of the time.  (Which actually wouldn't matter because I just don't love shopping at all.  It's just another "job".)

I took an interim position.  When that ended I didn't work for a while - but I just can't sit still either.  So I got this job.  I didn't really realize until the last week or so what a HUGE difference getting off work at 330 is for me.  Even though I often times didn't leave work until 4, I was home to get changed, make dinner, get laundry going, relax before the next wave of activity.  I no longer have that and I'm realizing that just sucks.  Really, really... really sucks.

So what do I do?  I take on a project that is likely to take up a few hours each night for the next couple of weeks.  I made a commitment and have to get this done.  I've come home the past two days at lunch and worked on it but the mere thought of having to put another hour and a half in tonight is a bit overwhelming.  

Yesterday I did a little organizing at lunch so that I could go to a start up jewelry party for one of my friends.  And then... of course... stayed later than I thought I would.  But it was fine.  And the payoff is I got a couple of really cute necklaces and earrings.  Or is that payout?  Yikes.

So I'm overbooked.  Overworked (in comparison to the "old" job).  In over-my-head with this project. 

Therefore... drinking wine so I can refrain from overreacting and remembering that I'm completely overwhelmed.

Over & out.

The Last Time

We ate at that little mexican place out in Airway Heights the last time I saw and talked to you.  

I dreamt about that last night and I didn't wonder why this morning when I woke up.  I always know when the 16th is coming around.  

As I sit here typing this right now - it's not today - 10 months that I'm fighting back the tears with.  It's 12 months.  I've spent so many days in the past 10 months regretting that I couldn't do anything to change your opinion of me and your uncle. Well, me - but then it affected your relationships with Uncle Jeff and your cousins who miss you so much.  You know there was no changing ones' mind.  I've spent that time wishing that the terrible, the horrible could have, should have changed or at least given hope that it might change - what led you to take on those thoughts and opinions in the first place.  Family dysfunction at it's absolute worst it is - and I hate to tell you - no chance for change.  You thought it was bad and pointless when you were here... if anything, it's ridiculously worse.  But not for lack of trying. But then you know that.

And so now it has to be that I look forward - but looking ahead isn't much better.  It's 60 days of knowing that none of us are ever waking up from this.  Ever.  That this is forever.  That we have to learn to get to September 16th every... single... year - that we are here.  Without you.

And that *&^&%%$()!! sucks.

I believe you're doing your best to keep everyone going on - on the path they were intended or trying to help others find a better path than they were or are on.  It won't always work - unfortunately.  But you know this too.

I think of that scene at the end of "Phenomenon" where everyone comes together some time after George Malley dies - and change has happened.  And it was because of him.  And they are celebrating.  You deserve that...  

As always - I'm forever sorry.  Love and miss you and what could have... should have been every day of the rest of my life.

 

 

I Feel the Need...

The need to weed!  

I've let my weeding get out of hand this spring/summer.  It doesn't help that the temperature has to be "just right" - somewhat like Goldilocks and her porridge.  The weather is often times "just right" in the evenings, after I've gotten home from work and made dinner.  The only problem then is - I pretty much give up on doing anything once dinner is done.  I look at 3 computer screens all day long, only break for lunch and pretty much don't care about the flowers and plants I was so excited to plant late this spring.  (When the weather also had to be "just right".)

Maybe if I didn't work out in the mornings I would have more energy in the evenings?  Could be.  But the morning workouts are what give me the energy to start the day as it is. So that won't work.

I could make myself go earlier to the gym and come home and make myself weed a different spot each day?  Orrrr... go at the same time and cut the workout short?  I know that neither of those will work - especially at this point. 

I've let the weeds get so out of control that there are likely bug fortresses built in and around them that have taken measures to really build good protection around the roots of the weeds, so that pulling them will cause great pain to my shoulders, arms, hamstrings - before, during and after I've started the job.  Gives me a bit of a headache just thinking about it.

But today - the weather is just right.  The dogs have been to the park.  The chicken is in the crockpot for the 10+ college football players coming in for tacos tonight, the ground beef is thawing, the back yard is mowed, the laundry is started... and I'm hoping if I can keep coming up with things to type - that I'll forget what I'm typing about to begin with, giving myself and "out" from this job that needs to be done.  

Internal struggle:  If weeds were an animal, I would let them live.  I would not pick them up and toss them in an ugly green bin.  They are living things...  (if I keep going, can I win this argument with myself?)

I'm trying.

I'm still trying.

Shutting the shades would help.  Learning to back out the driveway blindfolded would help too.  I'm competitive and love a challenge...  

Still trying.

On the count of three - I'm going to go find the special weeding gloves I was so excited about when I bought the plants and flowers I had to have this spring.

One:  If they are "lost" then I can't weed, because gross... think of all of the dirt I'd get under my fingernails.

Two:  If I type long enough, that storm they keep telling us is coming might get here and I can't go out and weed in the rain.

Three:  I'm out of ideas, coffee and know how pissed I'll be at myself if I don't go do this.

Ciao for now!

Abracadabra!

And just like that, the laundry is folded!

Or not.  And I sit here, knowing that there's more than enough to go around for a fun folding party.  I sit here with steam coming out of my ears because - The Dad said he'd make dinner tonight.  He gets home, idle chit chat with Ryan and then goes to change and heads to the bathroom.  Well... his bathroom visits are 20-30 minutes.  How does he rate?

When I come home from work, before I can even put my bag down, any number of chicklets is asking me what's for dinner.  And "when?".  And then he usually comes in the door, goes to change and heads to the bathroom.  

So why, when it's HIS turn to cook, is he not bombarded with the questions?  And why also, does he think HE should get to do more than put down his bag before pulling up his sleeves and start making dinner.  I work 8 hours a day... I'm exhausted and ready for a 30 minute, mind numbing, do nothing break.  But do I take one?  No.  Because the offspring need feeding.  And clean clothes.  And sheets.  

It's not right.  Annnnnd so I made it be known.  As he shut the bathroom door, I spoke out loudly enough and said "Uhmmm you know, Blue Eyes might be hungry." (To which Blue Eyes did NOT say "it's okay mom".  Which is lucky for him, I might add.)  So The Dad says "What?", knowing full well the words of which had just come right out of my mouth.  So, pretending I didn't know that he full well knew what I'd just said, I lovingly reiterated them.  So he pounded out of the bathroom, looked my way and started to say - "It'll just take a min...  ....  FINE."  Because he knows it will take much much longer than just one minute.  Even he knew, as the words escaped his mouth, that it was ridiculous and knowing that if he continued with that sentence, would have likely been pleading for me to spare his life shortly thereafter.

As I sit here typing this I am listening to him "make" the dinner.  And he hasn't taken one normal step.  Everything is heal first - coming from a guy who walks toe first.  I'm finding the chardonnay helping me to find enjoyment out of the unnecessary stomping.  In the old days, The Dad knows that this behavior would have caused me to get up, steal the spoon or spatula, tongs... whatever, from his hand and take over.  And he would pretend to fight it and say "I said I'd do it", but think he was secretly relenting and slink off and...

Go. To. The. Bathroom.

So Mr. Chardonnay has kept me from former actions.  The Dad may thump, sigh, slam cans on the counter, slam the door as he goes in and out  - all.  he.  wants.  

I'm going to the bathroom.  I'll find something to do for 30 minutes.  I'll just take the rest of the bottle of chardonnay with me in case I can't make myself sit on the pot for 30 minutes.  I think it's time for a little role reversal around here.  I work, I cook, I launder, I mow the lawn...  I think it's time for some role reversal.  He can do those things and I will do the stuff he does.

3 times a day.  A half an hour at a time.  

"Magic Mike" Review - SPOILER ALERT!

Let me first say that I have always liked Matthew McConaughey.

What I'm not going to tell you now is that I love him even more after seeing "Magic Mike". I'm sure mostly that's because of the character he plays in the film.  But at the end of the movie, I turned to the girls and said "I didn't need to see Matthew McConaughey do that."  And wrinkled up my nose.  

Channing Tatum on the other hand...  that boy has moves!  I am sure that once upon a time - when we saw "Coach Carter" in the theaters with the boys, and later on came to own it on DVD - that, while he played a small part in that movie - I said to "The Dad" - "He's going to make it."  You know how sometimes you can just see someone or hear a voice and know?  I can't remember what line or look it was in Coach Carter - though I remember it was a dark, street scene...  And look at him now.  He may not sell a movie on his own - like Bradley Cooper, Tom Cruise can, just yet... or scene steal like Heath Ledger as The Joker in "The Batman" - but he held his own in this.  On his abs.  And his biceps.  And even his cute little buns.

My contacts started drying up during the movie so I was dinking around with them for the better part of 20 minutes or so - so missed 2 gals in our party get up and leave.  Uhhhh???  So it wasn't great - it wasn't even, in my opinion, what all of the ladies in the audience thought they were coming to see.  I wasn't sure what to expect but I thought it would be fun to jump in on the nationwide "hype" about the "stripper" movie.

There was a love story.  Character development.  Costumes.  Music. Sadness.  Laughs.  A few butts.  One penis - though you have to realize that's what it is in the scene.  Couple of boobs (because I just don't care for the word "tits") and that's about it.  

I'm glad I saw it with the girls.  Would I recommend it?  Nope.  On DVD?  Pretty much not. But it was a memory for me and the girls and that's what I'm taking from it.

"Ted" was better...  "Safety Not Guaranteed", which I saw recently was probably better than "Ted".  Next up "Rock of Ages" - at some point.  I'm a little "movie'd" out and my plants and flowers have been neglected - so my next open night is set aside for them.

But tonight is my  night to host bunco - I've prepped part of the dinner this morning and am now looking at being to work at about 8:13 if I stop writing.... right.... NOW.

***There was no spoiler in the context of this post.***

"Magic Mike" Night! Let's Go!

Tonight - as is happening all across the world these past few weeks - myself and a girlfriend coordinated a bunch of our friends to go see "Magic Mike".


Girls Night Only.  Kit and I came up with the idea but she's travelling the better part of the next 6 weeks - so I threw it out there again when hers and my "planning window" closed in part due to Hoopfest and then the 4th of July and all everyone is doing over those days!  So I sent a group text and my friend KM2 was the first to respond!  She and I went back and forth a few times and knew we had to "set" a date, time, etc in order to be able to "advertise it" without ladies getting wires, times, locations - crossed.


I am aware of 13 ladies attending tonights viewing - and all are committed to starting with a cocktail and appetizer at Twigs prior to.  

For the record - I am ONLY doing this because I want to know more about Channing Tatums rise up.  And no... I don't mean... well... nevermind.  I'm certainly not interested in seeing it because they are freaking sexy and Matthews' Texas drawl is seriously worth the price of admission alone!

Honestly??  I'm really only seeing it because I had  to go see "Ted" with The Dad and our friends this past Friday night.

Okay.  "Ted" was ridonkulous.  And I laughed all. the. way. through. it.

You know what else is like Magic Mike?  Marky Mark... in "Ted"  Aye aye aye!

Which City Are You?!?!?

Math is not my strong suit for sure...  So I'm not going to talk about it.

I mean... not really.

In April I added the Google Analytics to my blog page - it tracks what pages are being viewed the most (but then, Blogger shows you this) though, analytics tells you if a person viewed Post A and followed it on to Post FF.  It tells me the browser used the most (Safari, Chrome, Internet Explorer and Firefox are the top four, in that order) and the operating system (Windows, Macintosh, Android, iOS, iPad, iPhone and Linux) and even the service provider (Comcast. Qwest, Roadrunner, TW Telecom, Cactus, Cox, Comcast Private Business, Broadstripe, Cellco... and on and on (90+ listed).

It shows me that 10 different countries have been to my site (April 2012 to present):

USA

Australia

Canada

Italy

Netherlands

Greece 

South Korea

New Zealand

Russia

Taiwan

And cities....  103 of them - from April to now.  

Spokane (thanks mom), Seattle, Pullman, Vancouver, Queen Creek (where is this?), Bellevue, Portland, Arlington, Cheney, Tacoma, Denver, Chicago, Omaha, Warm Springs, Boston, Dallas, Brisbane, Delft, San Diego, Billings, Las Vegas, New York, Beaverton, Airway Heights, Bellingham, Olympia, Yelm, Sydney, Melbourne, Winnipeg, St. John, Yellowknife <?>, Windsor, Thessaloniki (I couldn't make that up if I wanted to!), Padova, Rome, Seoul, Auckland, Moscow, Birmingham, Chandler, Phoenix, Alhambra, Emeryville, Huntington Park, Mission Viejo, Oakley, Sacramento, Torrance, Durango, Englewood, Washington, Pembroke Pines, Tampa, Smyrna, Gurnee, Springfield, Evansville, Ft. Wayne, Derby, Baton Rouge, Cambridge, Greenfield, Millbury, Oakpark, Westland, Hopkins, Kansas City, Bozeman, Great Falls, Charlotte, Greensboro, Holly Springs, Lincolnton, Asbury Park, Albequerque (I said it like you spell it while I was typing this), Eugene, La Grande, Quarryville, Memphis, Austin, Ft Worth, Salt Lake City, Dupont, Elma, Kirkland, Long Beach, Lynnwood, Mt. Vernon, Mountlake Terrace, Mukilteo, North Bend, Onalaska, Orting, Renton, Richland, Snohomish, Stanwood, Wenatchee.  Arlington is listed twice.  Is there another Arlington?  I know there's a Spokane, Missouri... so, my bet is yes.

I think I got them all.  My apologies if I missed you...  

My traffic sources are mostly direct to the site.  Facebook, Google, Blogger, StumbleUpon, Twitter, Blogfrog, Hootsuite, Bing, LinkedIn, Yahoo.  

My page has been viewed almost 10,000 times by the counter I placed on my Blogger template...    My Analytics doesn't have an accurate New vs. Returning graph, due to timing of my placement... but for the past 3 months - its 834 returning visits, with 449 new since starting with analytics.  Since it doesn't go back to November 28th - I'm not sure what that actual numbers might be?? The average visit length is just under 4 minutes.  Long enough to read my ramble and... OR just listen to the song I picked for that day.  <shrug>

992 people have seen my site from their computers and 91 have looked at it by their mobile devices (April 2012-present).

There are so many other options for reports and things I could do with this - but just these little, easier to find, look at, run - numbers make me want to give up and run for the covers!  

When I first started with analytics - I ran the report daily as it was fun to see how else, where else, someone might find me.  Now I run it about once a week.  I keep meaning to export the cities to a spreadsheet so I can track which cities are new and when... but not today.  Today - pulling those reports and typing this up - is as techie as I'm getting.  I've got to get back to work and still have to get this house in order for Wednesday bunco.  

I started this "project" out thinking that my family would be the only ones that would ever view this and even then - I don't think so much about the people "out there" when I'm writing.  So these numbers are fun, flattering, thought provoking.


While numbers aren't my thing in a mathematical world - I like them in my blog world.  Sure - there are countless others out there whose numbers are astronomical, and some who have all day to write, post, update their pages.  I am not one of those.  That's what working full time will do to ya!  But I like what I have.  I've tweaked it here and there, but mostly keep it the same.  It's all good.  I'm good where I'm at.

In more ways than 1. 

The Pool!

We got a pool three years ago.  Nothing big, most people don't even notice it if we entertain during the warm, sunshiny summer months.


We drain it when the weather cools down and take good care of it over the winter months.  For all of the use it gets, I'm surprised its' not in worse shape!  We got it cleaned up and ready for guests for our 2nd Annual YUCCA party coming up in a few weeks... we NEEDED the pool cool last year - as our air conditioning unit was toast.  Absolute toast.  Not even TRYING to turn on.  So the new unit is in, the pool is cool and there are new "rules" to this years' Yucca-fest!  


Nearby the pool, the holyboard is set up... a fun, (I'll bet this really pisses the neighbors off) noisy game where opposing "teams throw large metal washers through three holes 10 feet away from them.


Today after I mowed the lawan and put a little sprinkler on a super dry spot - I took some time to finish gutting and cleaning my office out - as I'm hosting bunco this week!  Working full time, going through this last "senior year" and trying to still make heads or tails of everyones schedules doesn't leave me much time to do all of the mom stuff at home on a day to day basis.  After that, I went to check on the "kids" out by the pool and maybe the first time in our 10 years here... sat down on the grass and just watched.  And watched.  And watched some more.  Some good solid summer time... just being a spectator.


Granted, since having #7, Blue Eyes and Zach Attack - I have always been, and will continue to be a spectator.  But this was different.  This wasn't frazzled to get there, do this, do that, stop here on the way back - spectating time.  This was having the opportunity to just sit.  Not worry about anyone needing to eat, if their laundry needed washing, when the next game was.  I just sat.  And it was good.


But tomorrow is a new day.  A Monday.  And while others were escaping the heat today, I sought it out.  I "get" to be inside all day, every day this week.  So I'll take hot heat, "pool" time when I can get it.


I've written 204 (205 now) posts in the 224 days since starting this blog.  This goal to stay off of The BookFace...  The goal was to post every day and I'm darn close to having done so.  Minus Cabo trip, Seattle trip and graduation week - I'm nearly spot on as far as writing.  Staying off of FB has been easier, but then, when I started this - I wasn't working.  Now that I am and have three computer monitors in front of me every day - the LAST thing I want to do is be on another time suck site.  Except for this.  And this comes pretty easy to me.


Well, the sun has gone down.  A game/set/match of holyboard awaits me out by the pool.  Which - speaking of, needs some TLC before tomorrows heatwave... Watch and see why!

Typically, Friday Isn't My Favorite Day of the Week

Most people look forward to Fridays - "Workin for the Weekend"...  I'm not one of them.  Ask me sometime and I'll tell you why. As #7 used to say (sing) while watching "The Lion King" as a young, pre #7... "Be frefared".  I can make it a pretty short story, but if I've had a cocktail, it can be colorful commentary.

Yesterday was a little different.  We'd been dismissed at 3:00 p.m. on Tuesday, prior to the holiday... and then on Thursday, the day after.  That "announcement" came early on in the day - both of those days.  Yesterday there was no notification that Friday was going to go the same way.  But it was a Friday, we were that close to the weekend, I was in shorts, the sun was shining and I was feeling nearly "caught up" - which I will never be in the LIVE T.V. industry.  But I felt pretty good.  It also helped that the day before I had gone to my family doctor for yet another bout with hormonal imbalances/issues - something???

No... I'm not yelling at anyone.  I'm not crying.  I'm not anxious.  I'm not hungry.  I'm not unhappy.  I'm not manic.  I'm fine.  I've been so fine that 2 months ago I went off of that pin drop of hormone lotion that they prescribed about a year ago that caused me nothing but headache ~ scratch that ~ weight gain for upwards of 3-4 months until it stabilized. So over time I went from twice a day to uhhhh never.  Who'da thunk it?  But in the last 9 days I gained 9 pounds.  NINE.  One a day - if you averaged it.  I think the first week was actually 7 pounds.  I called THEN but couldn't get in until Thursday of the "Second Week of Bullshit, inexcusable, unexplainable, WTF did I do - Weight Gain".  So I knew something was up.  My daily intake goes like this:  5 ounces of milk with half a Carnation Instant Breakfast.  Go work out, come home and have one fried egg.  Drink water, gatorade, take my black cohosh and off to work.  Eat an orange, apple or banana around 11, home for lunch where I eat either one piece of all wheat toast or a small serving of leftovers.  Back to work.  Home.  Make dinner.  The end.  My portions are good.  I work out close to 75 minutes 5-6 times a week.  So..Blood checked (it's STILL not my thyroid), measurements, pounding on my stomach, checking nodes...  Nada.  So he gave me the thing that helped out last year - and said that, since I use it so sparingly and it's once a year - (assuming it works again this time) that next year - when (if) I feel my weight spike in a short time period - to call and the prescription will just be written.  So there's that.  BUT - the reason I go into detail is because my little pill that has to be taken prior to 10 AM on the days I take it - gives me a good zing of energy.  Because I'm not energetic enough...  

So it's Friday.  I'm feeling good (better).  Program changes came across and they were for next week (some of them) so I took the bull by the horns and attacked them.  I usually don't because they are a lot of work, or can be.  Ugh... but some of them were for, as I stated, next week so the job had to get done.

As I was getting them printed off, fired out a few changes to the reps the receptionist rang thru to tell me I had a call.  I RARELY get calls.  I got more this week than any other due to my boss being out of town.  So I quickly weighed whether I wanted to potentially get interrupted from my progress and said "OK".  Phone rings.  This is my best recollection of how it all went down ~ at least a very small part of it:

Me:  This is Kathy.

Voice:  Kathy?

Me:  Yes.

Voice:  Hi Kathy.  This is Lynn Fiorillo, (quickly here I think, "wow, that's a coincidence... a rep/buyer with that last name"... she contines) Pat's sister.

Me:  Oh.  <stammering> Hello.

Lynn:  I wanted to call and tell you that I read your blog every day and to tell you that the things you write about Pat mean so much to me/us.  

Me:  <a bit speechless and not thinking this is the right thing to respond with says>  Welllll, uhm, thank you. <?>

Lynn:  It's nice/comforting <?> to know how many people Pat knew, liked, touched...

And so it went.  I found myself choking up a few times in our conversation and we talked about Pat, his trip to California just weeks before he "left" us all, to see her son - his nephew, Cameron, play baseball at the University of Redlands.  She talked of his courage on that trip - which wasn't even a question mark for me (or her), knowing Pat.  We talked a little about my not looking forward to "empty nest" and she thanked me again for my words.  To which I said... "I loved Pat.  Robin was his in home wife, I was his at work, naggy wife." and something about how I was glad I could keep Pat "alive" out there for her (them).  

I called The Dad right afterwards, after I collected myself and told him about my call from Lynn.  He said I should feel good about it.  And I did... I do.  I can't put my finger on it - she didn't make me sad, I was so glad to have touched her, but for some reason, I mostly felt a sadness.  Again.  

About an hour later - I got this text:

(Side note:  The "asshole" part is about The Dad getting Thursday and Friday off after the 4th).

So at this point, I'm wondering what is going to happen on this particular Friday.  July 6th once held no real meaning for me - but I don't think I'll ever forget it now.  It will be a part of me.  The phone call.  The text.  Two things that just shouldn't have "happened" on July 6th, 2012.

<sigh>


At 3:03, the big boss came by and said "Bye Minnerly".  I said "You leavin?"  He said "No... same thing as yesterday and Tuesday.  Take off."


Friday the 6th just looked up a little... 

Lynn - when you read this (and I know you will) - please know I am so, so so so... SO glad you called.  I told Robin that I knew as I teared up while telling "The Dad" about it that Pat would like to slap me at that point.  He'd tell me to pull up my big girl pants and get to work.  And so I did.  Call again... anytime.