The not-so-great news is starting to settle in. As of last night. On top of that, I ran out of black cohosh and I just don't have time to go an get more right now. I get off of work, come home, make dinner, go for a run, come home, shower, eat a little and pretty much want to lay on the bed and be vegetative from there on.
I didn't sleep well - thanks to no black cohosh and violent fits of hot flashes... the last one at 3:04 am. The Dad was snoring pretty well so 3:04 a.m. turned to 3:24 a.m. Then 3:38 a.m. 3:53 a.m. 4:12 a.m. 4:21 a.m. 4:37 a.m. I think I fell back asleep around 5:02 a.m. So my usual morning workout turned into yet another evening run.
So the frustration led to some bickering last night and again this morning. It's understandable and expected... but we haven't been "here" in a very long time and it's just disheartening. Tough. Ahhh yes... character building times.
I went to get my latte on the way to work, blood still a little hot from the less than desirable "banter" prior to leaving the house, only to be handed a cup that felt half full with coffee, half filled with foam/whip. I didn't pull out immediately, it was apparent that the gal that handed me my drink knew that my cup was half full orrrr is that... half empty? That's what it was feeling like, looking like this morning. If I weren't feeling so deflated I would have given a bit of a discouraged look, pulled off the lid and said "Really?" though with a bit of a wry smile. Not today though. Today I didn't say anything. I did a double take of the half full/half empty cup in my hand and drove off to work.
I broke two nails today.
Made little headway on some things I could be more efficient at if given the opportunity, messaged with The Dad about things that need to be handled in a timely fashion. And so it was. Or... so it is.
Came home and made Blue Eyes and Wack some chicken pad thai, filled up Dan the Dog's swimming pool, picked up the dog "treats" in the back and changed for my afternoon run. The Dad hopped on board the evening run train and we were able to communicate about the stressful stuff - too exhausted from living the day to give it another worried thought.
It wasn't our best day in a very long time. It reminded me of the days long past where these kinds of arguments defined us... times I regret so much because of my amazing little boys ages, ears and hearts in that time. While they are older and not here, or all too soon, not here at all this year - and a "fight" like this can't "touch" them - I still wouldn't wish it on anyone - and for all we've survived, especially us.
Tonight though - is finishing strong....er... stronger. He's done some work. I've helped a friend. I've planned "Yucca-Fest 2012". There was a Darius Rucker commercial - therefore a reminder of the fun I get to have on Saturday night. The boys picked up camping gear from Mema & Papa's and are looking forward to their adventure, "Moneyball" is on and Brad Pitt is not ugly.
The only way this could be better is if the Black Cohosh fairy would show up with some black cohosh. On ice. I have a feeling I'm going to need it.
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