The Dreaded "D" Day

No, not "Dooms Day".  

Dentist Day.

A few months ago when I visited the dentist, I was told my "pockets" were of a little concern so I would need to come back a bit more often.  Instead of every 6 months, they'd like me to come in every 4 until they are where they should be.  

I hate going to the dentist.  I hate it.  I do not hate the dentist himself, because he is, honestly, not the mother *&^%$%^$ ass (*^*&%$%&$#, that fuIU&*&^%$^))'s around, jabbing, scraping and stabbing and rooting around in your mouth.  It's his stupid little elves!  I fucking hate the "elves".  Fuck.  (pardon my french)

So I was sitting at my desk at work when I gasped and thought "Oh no, I missed my dentist appointment!" Which is an "Oh no!" because they'll charge me for missing my appointment.  And then I looked at the clock and realized I had NOT, in fact, missed my appointment.  Triple Eff.  AND, what's worse, I didn't brush my teeth when I was at home for lunch, as that precautionary "See, look, I take good care of my teeth" patient.

I pout/scowl/brood more at the dentist, even more than when I "lose" (snort, pretend lose) an argument with The Dad.  I am rude and socially unacceptable.  Right up until the Dentist elves start to rinse out my mouth for that last, final rinse.

Elf:  "Hi Kate, how are you today."

WPOTY: "I'm here."

Elf: "Well, we'll get you all settled in spot #1 and have a look, get those teeth cleaned."

WPOTY: <unintelligible>

Elf:  "Is it raining again out there?"

WPOTY: (You are sitting in the same room as me, are you not?  The one with TWO windows?  Just checking.)  <shrug> I guess so. (Jeez... seriously?!?)

Elf:  <grabbing the mean ass poker thingy, knife, death instrument>  "Okay, I'm just going to check that one spot that was of most concern last time."

WPOTY:  <rolls eyes - which, doesn't give any effect as they make you put on the super cool shades now> (ONE SPOT?  Double U, Tee, Eff?)

Elf:  "Well, that's good.  It's now a 3 instead of a 5, so we'll just get the teeth cleaned now."

WPOTY: <half uninterested nod>

I refuse.  Refuse, refuse, refuse to try to ANSWER the elves when I have knife-like picks and axes in my mouth.  Seriously... Ugh.

I knew that my teeth were doing fine because - you know how when they scrape them and pull out the death object and wipe it on their little gauze piece?  Well, she scraped and scraped and scraped and pulled that out like 4 total times.  Which meant, I just paid for this appointment for nothing.  The torture, the headaches I get when it's "D Day"... all for naught.  

Yes, my teeth feel nice now.  And are shiny and white.  

But that's about all I can take.  So the fact that I haven't chewed anything on the left side of my mouth for over a year is going to stay between you and me.  I went three times to 2 different dentists to figure it out, they couldn't and I am certain I might go postal (sorry post office workers of America) if I had to sit in one of those chairs any longer than is humanly possible.  

What they don't know, won't kill me.

After that appointment, I promptly made appointments for ALL of the  Minn Boys prior to all of their departures to school in a few short months.

Well... now that's just a depressing new thought.