Life

This morning, when the dogs woke us up for their first favorite meal of the day, I rolled over while The Dad went down to feed them - feeling, for once in a blue moon, HAPPY that it's Friday.  I'm shopping with The Dad and Zach Attack tonight for some of the necessities he will need at the Fiji House which has come upon us all too fast.  I've been at peace for a few weeks now with many aspects of my life - my biggest concern it seems, as of late, is being able to stay upright on the bike.  Wipeout #2 gave me an awesome chain cut in my right leg this time.  Warrior wound sounds better.

But this morning, when I rolled over to grab my Siri-less iPhone (upgrade date is for one week after my birthday - yeee hawww) I found this in my email from my mom:

LIFE by Cynthia Occelli

Tonight, draw the line.

However painful or wonderful your past was, it is over. Only vaporous memories remain.

Memories, like all of life's experiences, have no inherent meaning.

A rainstorm is a gift to the farmer and a curse to a bride marrying outside; It has no inherent meaning.

What meaning have you assigned to your past? 

Whatever the meaning is, it isn't a truth. It's a belief.

If you are holding on to memories that cause you to think or feel poorly about yourself, draw a line across an imaginary calendar and release the meanings you've assigned it. 

The past offers only two benefits: 1) the pleasant memories we choose to retain; and 2) the lessons we've learned. Be very clear, anything outside of this is you behaving badly toward yourself, and perhaps to others, and to life. Let it go.

You presently have the power to lighten your load, by surrendering the past, forgiving yourself, and resolving to begin again.

Seize it.

Tonight, I let go of the meanings I assigned to the past. I hold fast to every good memory and embrace the wisdom and lessons I've learned. I will no longer abuse, limit, or criticize myself for what is behind me. I turn to the present and walk in power and grace.

Sweet dreams.

She bolded the parts she feels apply to me.  She thinks I'm holding on to things from my past - and surely I am.  Just not what she thinks I am holding on to.  A few weeks ago, I didn't do something and yet somehow what I didn't do became my fault.  Yada yada yada. I wrote about it... much like I wrote about how it felt like my step dad was accusing me when I called to give him Tammy's number on September 17th, 2011.  Like I was making something up.  Which I wasn't.  It was at this point, after all of the times I haven't, wasn't, didn't care to be the "instigator" but still was perceived as such - that, God only knows how... I let it go.

Yes I wrote about it - because it is/was a part of my past.  But I'm not dwelling on it still.  It is what it is.  The irony behind my mother sending me this is...  that while I have let it go, which in turn, for my health, meant letting go-go...  it is the others, "them"  that have not let go.

Of MY past.