The iPod Shuffle

Today - I finally found my groove at work.  It took nearly 11 months, thoughts of quitting more than once, and today a move from my cubby by the server room - to a room with a view.

I've always listened to music where I work and for the past several months I could hear everything in the hall, the technological noises from the closet to my left and my roommates side of the partition.  I'm not going to lie - learning live TV and several different programs made me question my self proclaimed "I'm a quick learner, multi-tasker"  blah blah blah...  I had my own office space for the last 7 years and still felt much like that, even with someone on the other side of the cubicle wall.  To an extent.

But here's the skinny.  And this is truth.  Real life.

The Dad is still unemployed and in my mind, will be until the start of the new year.  Many companies are at the end of their budget, planning holiday office parties and final vacations.  So there's that.  But I've come home for the past 4-5 months, after figuring out some of the mumbo jumbo of what IS at my work - and been too tired to do anything other than make dinner and change to lay on the couch.  I thought it was just still... the nature of this job.  But on Tuesday - like Mr. Houchens used to yell in 5th grade - "Enough is enough!"

I was tired of it all... that is a gray statement, but it works.  But I was done.  The Dad was done with me coming home like this.  So on Wednesday morning I handed in my letter of resignation.  I spoke with my bosses boss, then my boss and a load was lifted.  I knew it was against my better judgement, given our circumstances - but I need to be positive and have energy at this time in our lives.  My guy needs me up, and encouraging and with the energy we've both had for all of these years.  He had my back, begged me to do it and our mindset is "Where there's a will, there's a way."

It was a whirlwind morning and I was visited again by my boss, her boss, my boss and her boss again and a plan was formed.  I have a new residence at work... I went from a bit of a closet to this:

I stayed late on Wednesday to move my tapes, files, and things I wouldn't need on Thursday or Friday until my computer could be moved.  Turns out that happened this morning and once I got set up I put my head down, ipod on and went to task.  At one point in the day I switched my ipod from "Fall 2012" playlist to Songs/All/Shuffle.

Annnnnd then this came on:  N'Syncs' "Never Knew the Meaning of Christmas" and a plethora of other holiday tunes.  There was a part of me that thought - "Enough is enough. Get back to your Fall playlist."  But at some point, it was just background music and I didn't even realize whether a non holiday or holiday song was playing.  Which meant I was working.  And hard.  And I felt, for maybe the third time in 11 months - that I was making progress.  When I came home tonight - I was energized.  I was talking.  I wasn't ready to crawl into bed.  Case in point... it's 9:30pm and I'm writing this.  

So the ipod shuffle stayed.  The office shuffle worked.  And it's just about time to shuffle over to the couch to watch "Grey's Anatomy" before shuffling off to bed.  

Everything happens for a reason.  Today was a good day.  Thank you for the good day. 

No More Drama! Except For... Well...

I arrived home today at lunch to find an envelope with my dad's writing on it...  My birthday card had arrived - 13 days after my birthday.  BUT... I am not complaining, as today I sat down with my little book with birthdays and wrote out and address cards to those I've missed since the end of July.  If you've been here you know, if you haven't... well - July 23rd was the day The Dad (not my dad, but my boys dad) was informed the business was being sold and his job was - well... uh... done fer.  No more.  So you can imagine many things went in the tank with my tailspin.  <sigh>  

We seem to be regaining some ground after paying the house fee at UW Fiji and the remainder of tuition that wasn't covered with financial aid.  We've fixed cards, gotten tires on cars, licensed cars... paid down bills and made holy boards and giant jenga's.  Well "WE" haven't.  Not like it takes a rocket scientist to figure that out.

He did make dinner today.  One where he actually had to follow directions AND come up with a side dish.  I'm going to give him points for having french bread as a side dish.  He HAD to go to the store for it, which entailed getting dressed and putting on underwear... So it's going to count.

But back to the card.  My birthday card from my pa.  I was in a pretty foul mood on my way home for lunch.  I miss my Sac world.  I miss Greg, Linda, Peter, Rita, Adam... Pat.  I miss my peeps and I am NOT meant to work in an office with a bunch of drama.  I can so DO the middle school scheme of drama that goes on.  But I just don't find much entertainment, enjoyment or satisfaction from women pissing and moaning about this and that, hating someone one night and not 8 hours later, and oh so much more...

So bad mood.  Poor Jeff.  Open card and... it says "Jeff has your gift."

Well.  Shit.  "Jeff" aka, The Dad was out putting chairs and the deck table in the storage room because bad mood me walked in and pissily let him know the BBQ cover had just blown off the BBQ and clear to the other side of the deck.  I didn't walk towards the deck to save it... I did nothing.  So The Dad did.  

But now I didn't know what my gift was.

Luck be a lady!  He couldn't contain himself.  The Dad explained that MY dad had emailed him last week saying he could send a check or money as a gift, but he knows, what with The Dad looking for work, that the $$ would probably get spent on something "not fun".  So he asked J if he had any ideas.  And J told him that I'd recently seen an ad for and said I'd like to see "Jersey Boys" which is in Spokane, or will be in a few days!  

Yes... drama.  But this kind of drama is just what the doctor ordered!

Thanks pops, for drowning out the Tuesday doldrums with an unexpected, best birthday present from you ever.   Well... the walkman back in 1982 was pretty frickin rad too.  

Never Seen Before...

My parents divorced when I was about 2 - I think.  I don't even really know, to be honest.  I never remember being in the house with them when I was a baby.  I never really even remember them communicating after my dad moved to Seattle, then California, then Arizona.

In fact my only memory I have of my mom trying to speak with my dad, was when I was maybe 8 or 9 and my dads' house was in Sylmar, California... Across the street from Mikki and Chico?  Is that right?  My older sister and I, when visiting, would call our mom or maybe mom called us every once in a while to check in.  Mom had been pretty persistent about wanting to talk to dad - and I remember dad not being able to talk to mom.  Within a few weeks of her asking to talk to him - a letter arrived in the mail that my step-mom read over the phone to dad while he was at work about how our pet doberman, back home (here in The Can) had been hit by a UPS truck and killed.  She had wanted to tell dad about it, so he could break it to us - and instead, we overheard it being read over the phone.  It was traumatic... though I think I reacted more to my older sisters reaction.  

But that's not what this post is about.  Damn... I went off on a downer tangent.  A "not the best memory" from Sylmar story.  There are actually quite a few great memories from the days of Tarzana and Sylmar, California...  But I digress... this post isn't meant to be about always having to check this one area of the garage for the black widows that laid their eggs there, or tap lessons, the ice cream truck, the yearly visit to Universal Studios or Disneyland and ohhhh Magic Mountain where we could mix different colors of sand in a jar... for money.  Way cool.

Okay - so as I've grown up - I've known there to be roughly TWO photos of me as a baby.  Being the second child, 5 years AFTER the first child... the novelty of a baby book, new baby clothes, and... picture taking - had long since worn off.  I was born October 3rd, though my moms original due date with me was September 30.  I was likely a New Years "Oops" baby... but that's NOT why there are only 2 baby pictures of me.  The next known picture of me is when Dad and Cheryl had baby Molly and they had a photographer that my older sister thought was uber creepy and wouldn't smile for, to the apartment they lived in, prior to the Sylmar house.  Am I spelling Sylmar right?  A responsible writer/journalist would quickly Google it, but I'm on a rant and if I go look, I'll forget where I'm going with this.  I was pretty dang cute in that photo, which I don't have a copy of - but I remember it.  One remembers the photos of themselves when there are only three in existence.

UNTIL NOW.  I received an email last week asking if I was interested in two baby pictures of me.  This email came from my old babysitter and neighbor, Theresa.  One was me with my babysitters big doll and the other was with my mom, dad, sister and Grandma Agnes.  I'm betting even my mom, dad and sister don't even know this photo exists.  I take that back - my pops will likely remember the day this picture was taken and who took it.  My mom will look at herself and remember how pretty she was and daydream about her long hair and skinny legs.  My sister will probably note that her hair in this photo, eerily resembles her most recent hairstyle...  and realize she had style even at the age of 5, almost 6.

The Dad looked at the family photo and said "I see Zach in that one."  Well... DUH... Zach looks like me.  Acts like me.  Only, Zach, the third child, has WAY more baby photos than me.  I looked at it and realized that my sister got my moms smile and that my dad looks eerily like Nicholas Cage in this pic.

Anyhow - I'm posting them for all of the world to see... or at least the 14 people that read this... to prove two things - that there is AT LEAST - ONE photo of my with  my "original" family on this earth and safely in my possession and... that I was all legs even when I was only one year old.  Also, to remind myself that the pajamas in the photo below are frickin adorable and The Dad needs to find some for me for Christmas.  Lets go!

No Kids & Still Busy?!?! What?

I have been terrible about getting my posts written for about two weeks and part of me cares... part of me is just too exhausted to care.  Work is crazy hectic due to political ads and the start of a new quarter, some turnover going on, new stuff to figure out because each quarter is something new - at least for the first year.  Thankfully, the first year is almost up.

 

Somewhere I thought that life would be less hectic with all of the boys gone.  But it's not.  We go to the EWU Coaches show on Monday nights... I try not to ever cook anymore, and I have to work at that.  I've been running all sorts of errands after and during work for the boys who need or forgot stuff at home...  There is always something it seems.

 

Now... I will say - going home at lunch before The Dad lost his CIO position in the Genitalia/FHC sale... oops, Gentiva... I would write it then.  I would get home, let the dogs out, get them a treat, start a load of laundry, pick up this or that, fold a load, let the dogs in and make a piece of toast or yogurt and sit down to let my fingers type out whatever thoughts are rambling through my mind.  Somehow - if I am on the computer, even during my lunch to do this... it doesn't feel like a chore.  But when I get home at the end of the day... the last thing I want to do is get back on my computer.

 

Not even to do something like... SHOP.  So this whole unemployment gig for The Dad has to stop.  I need my lunch hour back.  I need to get back to my organized ways. 

 

All that said... if you tailgate and you want one of these...  My husband can make you one with your teams colors!  He and the garage have gotten pretty content with each other the past several weeks!

 

It's "holy board" and you try to throw washers through the holes... not bean bags.  Little tougher...  and only for REAL tailgating, competitve, enthusiasts! 

 

 



Just Ain't Right....

It was a different tailgate for us this weekend - what with #7 able to come up and visit, snack for a few minutes before heading up to the press box for the game.  While he handled the injury last week, in a way I would never have expected - I could see that this week was going to hurt.  It's not fun as a parent at any point in our lives thus far, to see the disappointment in our children's expressions.  

The crowd was smaller this week - not a big rivalry, late game, colder out.  You know how you feel like something is "off" but you can't put your finger on it?  Well that was this particular game night and I wrote it off that I had, and Blue Eyes had, forgotten his new WSU holy board in the back of my jeep when we went to pick up his jeep from getting it's much needed new tires that afternoon.

The team from 1997 was being honored that night and one of the guys from that team went on to play in the NFL -maybe more, but one we knew anyhow.  The Dad and I had gone to EWU when this former players' big brother played there... these two are even listed in #7's bio on his player page.  I had sent Pat (big brother) a text to let him know to stop by the tailgate at some point, as they were going to be at the game for Jeff (Ogdens) induction.  And so at halftime, Pat and his wife, Samantha found us.  We talked tailgates, kids, weather, what "tailgating" was when we were at EWU (non-existent, mostly) and certainly not many families, groups like us who feed 8 or so players after the games.  

At some point I asked Pat how a friend of ours from EWU was doing - Leo.  He said  he was doing pretty well...

K - Are they still in southern Idaho?
P - Uh... "they" aren't.
K - (misunderstanding, unknowing) What?!?!?  
P - Uhhh, ya, "they" aren't.
K - ????  
P - She died.  Last year.  About this time.
K - WHAT??!!?  

A year ago - I was on the Bookface and while Leo wasn't (isn't?) on the Bookface, his wife Tyra was.  And while I had only met Tyra once or twice 23 years ago at EWU, she had, at some point in time accepted me as a "friend" on the Bookface.  She never changed from 23 years ago - at least, it did not look as though she had appearance wise.  She was still a glowing, smiling, beautiful girl/woman.  

A year ago Leo had a wife... the mother of his two kids Jordan and Auggie.  About a year ago this week she went to the doctor complaining of a flu that just didn't seem to go away.  But it wasn't the flu.  It was melanoma and the tumors had taken over the inside of her.  She passed away on November 4.  Pat said she was gone in 3 weeks.

I was in shock.  I am in shock.  She was two years older than me - and didn't have enough time to live.  Or to die.  

Pat and Samantha said Leo is doing amazingly well...  He has his close group of friends, church and two children from the love of his life - that keep him going.  They were "the perfect couple".  

I'm glad to hear he is doing well - but I am just so saddened to hear this news.  It brings about those questions that help us to remember, to think, to plan.  To put things into perspective.  

Prior to hearing this but after #7's injury - I remember that #7's backup on the team - that  young mans' dad has cancer.  Is battling cancer.  Cancer is cancer.   While some people "beat" it, in my opinion, for the people I've known that have been afflicted with it - it comes back.  It sucks.  I wondered if maybe this injury happened so that the other boys dad could see his son play.  Because - with cancer there is really no mercy.  It's not usually a matter of "if", but rather "when".  

And in some cases... "when" strikes people unexpectedly.

Remember the bracelets we bought for my North Side husband and his wretched wife, my sista-wife???  I still value it's message:

A Non BookFace Birthday

I got to thinking about my first birthday NOT on the Bookface...  and it was different.

 

I remember getting over 100 "Happy Birthdays" on the Bookface the last few years and it makes you feel good.  Right?

 

But when you're not on the Bookface, you don't get those, right?  And it got me to thinking at the end of the day.  Or maybe it was the start of THIS day...

 

I heard from the most important people in my life on my birthday.  The Dad, #7, Blue Eyes and Wack.  #7 even drove in, arm in sling, to bring me a card.  Granted he was also seeking a plethora of pillows so that he could sleep propped up... but that doesn't actually take anything away from it.  Wack actually got a card in the mail, from the house at 4503 17th Ave NE in time for it to get here on my actual birthday.  Blue Eyes was the only one to actually CALL but then we got to chat AND he told me he is coming in on Saturday (for the new tire appointment he slept through last weekend) - but any time I can have any of them - is a great day!

 

Emails from all of my dads - okay, there's only 2 of them... I think.  Text from my favorite sister TK and brother EK, a visit at work from one of my best pals Greg - with good tidings from a few of my other pals at my old job.  Both of my moms sent something my way - one a card, the other a cheery text! 

 

But then - there were miscellaneous texts and calls as the day and night went on... THOSE are the people that, when you get those texts, calls - you know those are your real friends.  The ones who don't need a notification box in a web application to tell you that it's someone in your list of 427 friends, birthday.  I realized that while it's nice to get 427 "Happy Birthday" greetings... it's much  more gratifying, rewarding to get them from people who just remember.  On their own. 

 

I did not get 427 calls or texts or messages on a webpage.  No matter - because the best people in my life, the ones I love the most, made me feel better than any 427 people that I don't talk to most of the days of my life... ever could.

 

43 and one day never felt so good!