Pet Peeve #67

We have hosted Thanksgiving at our home - be it apartment, duplex, house... for 21 years.  We've had family, friends, friends of friends...  as the years go on.  We love to have a full house!  The more the merrier.  Right?

 

A few years ago - I stopped extending an invitation to some people that came each year -  because one time too many, The Dad and I were cleaning up everything after the meal.  Sure, everyone, mostly everyone (my kids at least) would clear their plate and set it by the sink.  After a few tantrums to the guests - who didn't bring anything until I told them they HAD to bring something... I gave up.  When people sit there and pick at their teeth and there's no conscious thought to say to their hosts "Hey, is there anything I can do to help?"  - it's at this point when all that remains to be done is to put the lid on the margarine and start the dishwasher...  well, they've missed the boat.  And are no longer on my gravy train!

 

For 4 years now, we've invited one of our misfit friends.  We love the guy... great guy.  He's had a few relationships since the demise of his marriage - but he's gone and gotten one he really likes... and we really like her too!  They were both going to be sans kids for Thanksgiving, so I of course, told him to extend the invitation to her.  After they weighed all of their options - we turned out to be the best one, apparently...

 

He asked what they could bring.  I asked back: "Does she have a favorite dish she likes to make?"

 

HIM:  "I don't know.  I'll check."

 

Several days later:

 

HIM:  "Can I bring water, napkins, paper plates?"

ME:  "No, this isn't one of those kind of functions."

HIM:  "Are you sure?"

ME:  "You can bring a veggie tray."

HIM:  "Done."

 

Thanksgiving morning, on my way back from our 10th annual Turkey Bowl game I get this:

 

with "Gonna try to think outside the box..."

 

He had waited until Thanksgiving morning to go get a Veggie tray.  He asked if he could bring little smokies.  I didn't only say "no"... I said "hell no".  That Thanksgiving isn't a "little smokies" event. 

 

So they come, he brought a little cream cheese, jam and crackers snack and then we were off to the races!  I pulled out all of the dishes, put spoons, forks and all of the serving utensils I had into one bowl or another.  The boys plowed through - all 4 Cougars, 1 Eagle and 1 Huskie... then the adults. 

 

And then... it happened.

 

The boys all cleared their plates in the garbage (what they didn't finish) and put their plates by the sink.  The Dad finished and picked up our friends, dates' dish, I cleared mine and we sat and chatted for a few minutes.  Then it was time to clean up and while The Dad and I cleaned and cleaned and cleared and cleaned... our guest and his guest looked at their iphones and showed pictures and chatted quietly amongst themselves.  What they don't know... is while they did so, they also quietly and quickly, chatted themselves out of another Thanksgiving invite.  There were moments of awkward silence as we clinked and swashed and lathered through dish after dish after dish... after dish.

 

I can't imagine being invited to someones for ANY holiday, gathering, party, you name it... and NOT at least ask... "Is there something I can do?"  The host or hostess then at least has the opportunity - which I myself have done - to say... "Nah.  Thanks so much, but we'll be done in a jiffy."

 

Thanksgiving dinner doesn't clean up in "a jiffy".  Even if it did, the offer should be made.  That's my expectation.  I got to thinking about our friend, and past years and while he never did clean up - he DID always clear his plate and at least stood at the island and chatted with us while we did.  I'm disappointed and that will fade.  But I've done this whole "way" of Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter... too many times - that I can't say I didn't learn from it. 

 

The lack of planning was borderline, mostly Strike 1.  The lack of effort to think outside the box and perhaps, cut up a veggie tray to make good... Strike 2.  The ability to overlook the people that cooked for three nights and that whole day - as they cleaned up after you - and you are not 12... was Strike 3.  

 

I just don't get that mentality and I certainly, certainly... NEVER would have expected it from HIS guest. 

 

I am thankful, however, that I provided a nice meal to my sons, their friends, my friend and his.  I did that. 

 

<silent cheer>